BEHIND THE MASK
Actress Alexandra Davies reveals her secret fight against mental illness
She's drop-dead gorgeous and a popular actress, but off camera 27-year-old Alexandra Davies has been playing the hardest role of her life.
After 10 years of secrecy Alex, who plays paramedic Cate McMasters in the Seven Network's All Saints , is speaking out about her mental illness, which often left her feeling 'like a freak'.
'I've been wearing a mask for so long, trying to pretend all was well, when it wasn't for a long, long time,' Alex says.
'I hope by talking honestly, I might at least help one other person going through this,' says Alex of her struggle with debilitating panic attacks - a disorder that affects one in eight people - and bouts of severe clinical depression.
'My parents split up when I was eight. I had my first attack when I was 15,' Alex says. 'Dad was in Singapore at the time and I got this phone call to say he had been taken to hospital. All of a sudden I felt like the whole world was closing in on me. I felt claustrophobic and out of control. I'd never experienced anything like that before. I actually thought I was going mad,' she says.
For Alex, it was to be the first of many episodes that would make her question her sanity and push her to the edge.
'There were many days where I'd wake up with my heart racing, feeling on edge and frightened of everything. I had no idea what was wrong with me,' she says.
'I was brought up in a family of high achievers. If I was depressed, I'd put on a mask so I wouldn't let the party down.'
Things finally came to a head one night in February 2001 after a fight with her boyfriend at the time. Alex says she felt so 'unbelievably down' she cut her arm with a knife in a desperate plea for help.
'We weren't ever right together and we'd had another fight that day. On top of that, I felt so totally out of control, so angry and frustrated, that I couldn't work out what was wrong with me. I thought I must have been evil. Nothing made sense,' she says.
'It was a cry for help and by no means a suicide attempt. I would never do that to my family.'
This was a turning point in Alex's life. 'Having done that to myself I thought people would finally believe something was really wrong. I called my family together and told them I had something to show them and I didn't want them to be scared, but I needed help because I hadn't been happy for a long time.
While Alex is quick to praise her family, especially her mum Marilyn, for their support, she says there is still a huge social stigma when it comes to mental illness.
'The worst thing about mental illness is that people can't see it. You can be down, but how do you explain that to other people when anyone looking at my life would think she's got a great house and all these materialistic things, which is what so many people judge our happiness by.'
'How do you explain to someone something they can't see or that you yourself don't even understand? That's what happens with mental illness - no plaster cast, no grazes - so people just tend to say: "Get on with it, pick yourself up, there are things to do."
'That's dangerous because for some people it can mean the difference of being here or not being here,' says Alex, who was nominated for a Logie for Most Popular New Talent for Young Lions . 'My time on Young Lions was another time where I wore my mask. The girls would do my make-up in the can, then there would be a knock on the door telling me they were ready for me on set, and I'd yell out cheerily: "Be there in a minute.'
'But I was inside with my head over the sink, losing it and trying to let the tears roll down the sink instead of down my face so it didn't ruin my make-up,' Alex says.
However, she says since seeking professional help she now knows how to manage her condition.
'I do have a form of mental illness and now I know that, my life is different,' says Alex, who takes medication and is careful with diet and exercise. She also credits her boyfriend of two years, Tony, for helping turn her life around.
'Tony was honest enough to say he didn't understand what I was going through but he said he was prepared to go through it with me. He's been fantastic and I'm lucky to have found a guy like that.
'My counsellor said with people like me who have panic attacks, its like seeing a bear in the woods. You instantly go into either flight or fight mode. That's quite a normal reaction but for people like me, we see a bear where there isn't one.
'These days, I'm not as frightened anymore. I've tamed the bear and that's what living with "it" is all about.'
'And if people ask me if I'm OK these days and I'm not, I'm not afraid to say it,' Alex says. 'I've thrown the mask in the bin.'
By Julie Hayne
New Idea - January 8, 2005 (pgs 18-19)
Alex's tips for maintaining health and well being
EXERCISE
Doing regular exercise - such as running, walking, riding, going to the gym, swimming or yoga - is brilliant for raising endorphins and helping me feel good about myself, especially mentally. When I don't do this regularly, it's harder to feel happy.
DIET
I enjoy food and wine and having a good time with friends, but I make sure I eat plenty of fruit, vegetables, protein and carbohydrates to have enough energy to get me through each day. I treat myself once or twice a week if I feel like it. It is important to reward yourself and enjoy being a bit naughty. Otherwise life is very boring. I avoid caffeine and sugar as much as I can as they affect my mood dramatically. Alcohol is my only vice but I limit it when I can. My favourite saying is: 'Everything in moderation.'
BEING INFORMED
It is important to understand yourself and your disorder so you can find tools to cope. We are all different and need to take responsibility for our own happiness. Three books that really helped me gain insight into my panic disorder which I consider my bibles are: From Panic to Power by Lucinda Bassett, My Life as a Side Effect by Milissa Deitz and Living With It by Bev Aisbett.
Talking to others is invaluable. The best comfort is to know you aren't alone. So get out there and find a good counsellor or therapy group and learn more about yourself. Knowledge brings confidence.
If you feel like you need to talk to a counsellor, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.
