Lessons from Rehab
In the third term holidays I had the chance to go to a rehab facility in country Victoria and spend a few days with the residents there, living alongside them and talking about their stories and circumstances. The facility catered to all people suffering from a life-threatening condition – predominantly drug addiction, but also some residents were dealing with depression and related conditions. Many of the residents were there under a court order – a last alternative before going to jail and some were self-admitted, but all were there voluntarily. There were no fences or bars, just a walk to town. They could leave at any time and face the consequences back in the real world, but all had, at that point, decided to remain and try to see the program through. My few days there was an awesome experience for me and I’d like to take the opportunity to share a little of what I learned.
Perhaps the biggest thing I saw was a desire to change. The residents had got to a point in their lives that they had no alternative but to change. They realized that in order for their life to continue they had to do something drastic to overcome their habits and lifestyle. This included the mental and emotional cycles they were stuck in as well as the physicalities of drugs. They needed to recognize the effects of their lifestyle on their mental state and take steps to rectify the problems at the core – not just get away from drugs and maladaptive lifestyles, but also the thinking patterns and emotions that went along with them.
The facility enabled residents to take time away from real life and sort through their issues and discover how life could be if they could get past their current condition. The focus is to help people through personal support. The residents had reached such a low point that they had been forced to realize they could not continue with life on their own. They needed help. And although the facility was designed to provide that help, out in the ‘real world’ the principles are the same – we all need help to get and keep our lives on track. We need people to talk to, and we need to be willing to talk to them. I realized through my own life that I tend to keep emotions and reactions to myself and not share them with other people. Essentially this is for two reasons. The first of these is trust – I don’t really trust people with my innermost concerns because I don’t know how they’ll react, and, like most, I’ve been burned before and it just hurts too much. So I stopped talking to people figuring anyone I let in would not understand and just end up hurting me. Also, talking to people made me feel like I was failing at life because I was not able to deal with things properly on my own. I have come to realize though that this approach creates a vicious cycle for me. I feel so isolated and alone because no one really knows me or understands the struggles I have each day, so I won’t discuss it with them, but by not letting them in they stay distant and I remain alone. At some point I have to let people help me.
The first steps were the hardest, and I still greatly struggle with allowing people into my private world, but I’m learning that there are people out there who will respond positively and take care with the things I entrust to them. These people are, however, few and often far between and there are times I regret talking to someone, but those are the risks I need to take in order to move forward with my life. And I’m loving life at the moment.
Another major reason I stopped talking to people was that I felt such a burden to everyone, and that they have their own things to deal with so I won’t bring them down with my troubles. But the time in the centre enlightened me to another side of this. I went in as a person from the outside world just to chat with these people and let them know there are people in the real world who will listen and help them if they need it – to give a little hope that life outside rehab has some potential and they are not forced back into the same lifestyle when they leave. While there I was able to speak one-on-one with the ladies and heard a lot of their stories and I was quite surprised at their willingness to speak about the details of their lives and what they’d been through to come to this point. It was the sort of stuff people don’t usually want to discuss and it was such an eye-opener for me. It shattered my beliefs about speaking out to people. I realized, as a “burden-ee” the privilege it was to hear about other people and the way I had been denying the people around me the chance to experience that connection. I developed such good relationships with these people in just 3 days because we were real with each other. There was no faking it – if they were having a crap day they said they were having a crap day. They were real. There’s not enough ‘realness’ in our world today. Everyone wants to be seen as handling life, but the increase in drugs, mental and other general illness speaks volumes about how people really are going. I personally think this stems from a lack of quality relationships. Life, I’ve discovered, is about people. It’s about having people to help you through and to share life with.
So I guess the point I want to make is to urge you - not just as sufferers of anxiety or depression, but as people – to talk to others. Of course, you do need to use some judgment when choosing when and how to share your stories, and there will be times and people who are unwilling and uncaring and there may even be people who take what you say and throw it back at you or trample on your vulnerability. And those times will be hard. But you have to try. You have to live. There will also be times when people will shock you with their insight, or who will give you exactly the lift or the words you needed that day. I guess you need to weigh up the options and the risks. But be real.
By Jac.T— December 2004.
